Monday, August 20, 2012

Chapter 1: I'm Dead

Some professions don't offer a lot of money. Indie Writer and Stylist's Assistant are two that provide very little monetary reward at the beginning. Unfortunately for me, I'm beginning both simultaneously. This means I have to be smart with the entertainment choices I make. One of my favorite things to do is browse Amazon's Top 100 Free list.

There aren't many first lines that will immediately make me abandon a book, but the top one that comes to mind is:
Chapter One
I'm so annoyed that I'm dead. 
I'll level with you: there was a time this would have intrigued me. Really? The narrator is dead? Well what in the bloody blazes happened?

Vampires. It's vampires.

Other openings that lead to me sighing and moving to the next book:

  • Flowery descriptions
  • Snorting some drugs
  • "I have to go and I'm LATE!"
  • Any kind of jargon
  • "I don't remember who I am"
  • Gruesome description of a dead body (that isn't the narrator)
What are some Chapter One: Paragraph One openings that make you want to slam the book into the floor?


  1. If one doesn't remember who they are.... they need to be in a hospital getting checked out for brain damage! Or far worse, they're trapped in a soap opera. There's no escaping from one of those.

  2. LOL Well, you might not like the beginning of one of my books starts out with the guy telling the story of his death...however, it's not a vampire book. Far from it...he's a wise-cracking ghost!

    Hope that won't deter you from reading it...LOL Maybe one day when I have it finished.