Mmm... First Edition Autographs...

Can I have your autograph?

Jennifer Weiner. She probably hates me

Having a book autographed is one of the most fun things I can think of to do. For one thing, usually the author usually reads something from her latest work and/or tells an anecdote about her life. After that, "The Line" starts. "The Line" takes about half an hour to get through, and I use that time to think of some witty thing to say to the author. She'll be so wowed: I'll get her to read my book and tell other people to buy it, and I'll sell a whole bunch of copies because of her. But as "The Line" gets shorter and I can see exactly how much time the author is spending with each person, I start panicking and going over my lines again.

Author: Hey! Thanks for coming by! (Autographs my book)
Me: Oh my God, your books are so great, you know, I'm a writer too!
Author: (forced polite expression) What do you write?
Me: Uh, well, you know. Haha! Whatever I want! Mysteries mostly. Sometimes with a little paranormal. But you know, not like ... anything with vampires or anything.
Author: Okay. (gives the "move along" face)
Me: Maybe one day you'll come to one of my readings!
Author: ("Please leave" face)
Me: Okay thanks!

I leave feeling good about myself, but then I run through the conversation again as I walk to the subway, and I swear I'll never speak to another human being ever again. Awkwardness aside, I still enjoy doing it, and I've seen the same authors multiple times, though don't always talk to them. I'm not stupid.

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