I've decided to buy a cheetah

New York can do some crazy things to you. There are people here -- a LOT of people -- and after a while, you just stop caring what they think about you. Before when I'd make an idiot of myself in public, I'd be embarrassed for a while. Now I realize no one's ever going to remember me because they've all seen something 10 times crazier than whatever it is I just did (tripped over a sidewalk bump or something).

Also, 99% of the men here have no chivalry. I understand that women want equality, and that means that we have to give up our seats every now and then. But seriously, nothing's going to make me snap faster than when I get off work (standing all day) and the jerky guy in the headphones pushes me out of the way for the last subway seat.

all right, it could be worse.

My year of crazy changes is winding to a slow conclusion: within the next 2 months, I'll find a permanent apartment and reconnect with my kitty.

Since work is under control (i.e. no longer sucking), and my home will be back to normal, and I won't be training for anything, all I'll have to do is moan and whine that I'm not eating croissants on some street in France. Boohoo.

Which brings me to my title: Cheetahs. Bad idea or no, the idea of buying a cheetah and walking it around the streets of NY really appeals to me. It's the size of a big dog. No one would mess with me. So long as it doesn't decide to run at 60mph with me dragging on the leash, they can be nicely domesticated. Cheetahs purr (unlike a lion or tiger -- which would also be awesome to walk on a leash) and make meow-y noises, which is a huge selling point for me. Just watch this squeaky baby and TRY not to shell out $15,000!

Okay, okay. I dream big. I have a huge imagination because without it, I'd be bored all the time. This is why I write books: it's the easiest way for me to flesh out all these crazy ideas without having to do them in real life. This is good news for the guy on the subway who knocked me over and for my neighbor getting on the elevator with me and a frigging cheetah.

Before I go, I'd like to announce that The Silent Treatment is officially for sale in paperback. There are some minor flaws with the back cover that I've decided to let slide because I can't afford to buy any more proof copies at the moment. With enough sales, I'll make the minor adjustment and re-issue. Until then, get your piping hot first editions here: Lulu.com. I've put at 30% discount on it because I'm cool like that. Expect a cheesy "author holding book" photo soon.

Not Writing

Inspired by Amanda Hocking's Things I've Done Today That Weren't Writing, here's a list of things from today keeping me from doing what I do:

• Inventory at work
• Chatting with hubby about moving and awesome apartment ads.
• Waiting 15 minutes to connect to the N train.
• Buying Chips Ahoy! cookies and having the clerk ask if I was having a chocolate chip cookie party tonight. Answer: no - went to work on my day off, therefore, they're all mine. He was satisfied with the answer.
• Watching the forced comedy of a recent Simpson's episode. Why do I do this to myself?
• Joined a new forum
• Watched some video clips on YouTube
• Heated up some tempura chicken from Trader Joe's
• Wasted time on various social media (which leads me here).

I had a great run of editing yesterday after work, and I was looking forward to doing it again today. However, counting some 1000+ hair products turned my brain to jelly, and I can't get in the groove. I did buy another proof copy of The Silent Treatment after making some adjustments to the last one I received. Probably not going to change anything else, regardless, because I can't afford to keep buying proofs. I think it's for sale on lulu.com, though, but won't distribute to Amazon until the proof is approved. Will let you know, as I'm sure you're all on the edges of your seats. I've had to price it much more expensively than I wanted to because the commission from Amazon is pretty low. So for now, I'm offering a 30% discount, which brings the price down to a reasonable $11.20.

So before I waste any more time, I'll go read, rest up for a long day of work tomorrow, and then go apartment viewing the day after that.

Please tell me: what did you do today?

Worth Lying For

GOOD LIFE 

Mary Minke knows she should be grateful: a mostly happy marriage, mostly grown kids and a mostly steady paycheck. But at forty, she finds herself fantasizing about sprawling Tuscan villas and fitting into ‘juniors department’ fashions. Instead, another twenty years in a two-bedroom ranch, sale-rack slacks and a receptionist job at Idid-a-Rod Auto Garage seem to be her destiny. Until… 

GOOD GRIEF 

Mary stumbles on a bag of cash in the car of two-bit drug dealer Jimmy Adler… and steals it. Confiding in best friend, Caryn, she vows to make good by playing Robin Hood in the sleepy town of Stillwater Village. Only she must keep the plan under wraps from devoted husband, Nick, who just happens to be the local sheriff. 

GOOD INTENTIONS 

As one unexpected event after another turns Mary’s once tapioca-bland life hotter than three-alarm chili, she is more than a little tempted to indulge in a few retail therapy sessions. Charity begins at home, after all, but where should it end? When the fate of her imperfect yet loving family is put on the line, Mary must decide what the good life really means, and if it is Worth Lying For.

When I got the chance to rub elbows with Lisa Cheney and Lisa Craig, authors of Worth Lying For, I asked if they'd be interested in doing an interview. They said "no." I bought them an expensive meal (and a few rounds), and I finally wore them down. 

You just released Worth Lying For, about forty-year-old Mary Minke, who ramps up her midlife doldrums by pilfering a big bag of money. Have you ever done anything illegal or immoral? 

Cheney: Never. Craig: Yes, but I used Cheney's name so my record is clear. 

What was your greatest inspiration for this book? 

Cheney: I have no idea, considering I've never done anything illegal or immoral. Craig: Wanting to write a book by, for and about 40-something Midwestern women. Particularly a book in which the protagonist is (mostly) happily married. How did the two of you meet? 

Cheney: It wasn't match.com? Craig: Ninth grade English class. We had to create a collage and we thought that was childish. We invented snarky, only we called it lisarky. It never quite caught on. 

Speaking of childish, you also write children's books -- what made you delve into the this genre? 

Cheney: My grandmothers used to read me Grimm's Fairy Tales and buy me Tales from the Crypt comic books. All children deserve such idyllic memories. 

Craig: I love writing children's books--the characters can be so silly and fun. And the books are usually shorter which is a boon for our fading middle-aged memory banks. 

So what's next for The Lisas? Any new projects we should look out for? 

Cheney: I'm taking up urban graffiti art. Craig: We are working on a novel about a fifty-year-old writer married to an NHL hockey coach. It's about 89% written and we should soon be in the grueling editing process. 

Music is a huge part of my writing process. What do you listen to while you work? 

Cheney: Does Hoda's playlist on the Today Show count? 

Craig: I never play music when writing. The quieter, the better. 

Writers are notorious for having multiple jobs in their lifetimes. What are some interesting things you've done? 

Cheney: Tossed a few pizzas in my day. Customers were not amused. I've also been a fruit picker, book packer and newspaper reporter. I can't keep a day job. 

Craig: Other than college jobs waitressing, I am the exception to the rule and have been a librarian and only a librarian.

... After that, things just got silly.

What the hell is up with Melanie?

(Yes, I stole and modified the title from my friend Jenny, but only because I love her.)

Unless you count spending far too much time on social networking sites trying to get people to pay attention to me like an ignored 5-year-old, there isn't much to report. If I don't go food shopping soon, I'll be eating cereal for dinner (not that there's anything wrong with that). The pile of clothes in the corner of my room hasn't diminished for quite some time.

On the plus side, I got some comments back recently for the 2nd book in the Kat Shergill series, so I've been working on that. Still trying to come up with a title. Maybe I'll hold a contest. This ties nicely into the "wanting attention" category.

Also a plus: I love my job! This is good because I spent a lot of money to get a job like this. It still amazes me that some days I think, "Maybe I'll go in to work and get some highlights," or, "My friend needs a haircut -- I'll take her to work on my day off." I would have shot myself if I'd ever thought, "you know, those reinsurance status reports aren't going to process themselves. I have some extra time on Saturday ... think I'll go in for free."

my tools are even pretty!

I also re-watched The Lord of the Rings recently. Not only is the imagery in that movie gorgeous, but the characters are so dimensional. I appreciate things like this more now that I'm writing with a fury: not everyone is completely good or bad. Take Frodo for example: he's the underdog who saves the world and destroys the ring. Hooray! Except it wasn't as simple as that. He starts out friendly, loving, slowly becomes untrusting and weary, identifies more with someone who's been through similar trials more than his best friend, makes Sam cry, changes his mind about saving the world, and succeeds BY ACCIDENT. It's so beautifully done. Even when Frodo shows his ugly side, we still know he's a good guy.



Not in the same category, but I also re-read Kyra Davis' Sex, Murder and a Double Latte. The humor in this book is nothing short of charming. Still suspenseful even though I knew what was going to happen. (It's always disappointing to go back to a book or movie I thought I loved only to find I just hyped it up.) When my little monetary slump is over, I'll buy her newest in the series (she's now indie like me!).

Back to editing.

Looking Forward

The updates have been sparse because I've had quite a lot on my plate recently (as referenced in the last post). Slowly, I'm finding things that ease the tension. In no particular order:

Aromatherapy

Looking forward to something

Doesn't have to be anything big like, "One day I'll eat baguettes in a French cafe in France every day." Something smaller like looking for pictures of French cafes, or watching a movie I haven't seen in a while, painting my nails, reading a book, or going to a store I like. Makes it easier to leave my hubby and kitty in my cozy, former apartment when I can think, "well, at least I can watch this chick flick when I get home."

Watch some funny videos

Sometimes you can fight your way out of something, look for a better job, or replace XYZ thing. Sometimes you can't. You make the best of it and listen to your body to tell you if you can take on anything else. If not, watch 10 episodes of The Monkees in a row because it makes you laugh like a 5-year-old.

If all else fails...

In other news ... 

I've been interviewed on Janiera Eldridge's blog: This is From My Heart. It's always great fun to talk to new people and share my love of writing with them. Sometimes it still seems weird that something so personal to me is even interesting to someone else.

Also just got my quarterly statement in from one of my works, and it will probably pay a (very small) grocery bill or one large pizza! But hey, I'm getting to do what I love, and isn't that worth more than all the money in the world? (... Maybe I should ask my husband what he thinks about that ...)

Help me order one more pizza or buy two bags of groceries next quarter by purchasing one of my books!

Finally ...

More Subway Art:

Life changes

There should be a minimum of things that can happen in one year. Certainly getting fired, changing careers, moving to a new city, beginning and finishing school, living away from one's spouse, getting a new job, moving twice, finishing and publishing a book should be spread into at least 5 years. Well, fortunately for those of you in the same boat, here are some pictures of things that make me a little less stressed when all those things build up to the "maybe I just won't get off the subway today" point.

love and cuddles

handful of these

a flock of geese at Eaton Centre in Toronto

flying kitties in a Toronto store window

a Frappuccino while I edit

coffee at home almost with the same name as hubby

wine with almost the same name as me

intricate Christian art

the place I'd rather be

this ridiculous self-portrait (by Ducreux)

Characters

I wrote a post a little while ago about how I prefer a great story to "delicious words." Today's topic is about how sometimes the story isn't anything stunning, but the characters make it work.

One of my favorites for a long time has been Alan Partridge (you'll find I have a soft spot in my heart for British comedy). In the series, the character is a late night talk show host who routinely insults his guests and generally makes an ass of himself. In this clip, he accidentally shoots one of his guests and carries on with the remainder of the show.


A more recent favorite is Roy from The IT Crowd, because he acts like he doesn't care about anything, but in almost every show, he ends up in some strange predicament, crying over a girl, or overreacting to something seemingly normal. One of my favorite scenes involves him learning (from a website) the exact date and time he will die. When that minute arrives, (in the congregation of a funeral) he mistakes his cell phone vibrations for a heart attack.

Sticking with the British theme, I've also started re-reading High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. (Can we all agree that the movie would have been better if they hadn't made it American? No? Just me?) I'd forgotten how much I like Rob, the main character. What makes him, and all of these characters (and so many others) memorable and enjoyable is that there's not just one side to them. Just like the rest of us, they're happy, sad, their hearts get broken, they're annoyed, they're good and evil, and all a little bit unhappy with the way their lives are turning out. Characters like this let us know someone else understands what we're going through -- that's why we love them.