Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I've decided to buy a cheetah

New York can do some crazy things to you. There are people here -- a LOT of people -- and after a while, you just stop caring what they think about you. Before when I'd make an idiot of myself in public, I'd be embarrassed for a while. Now I realize no one's ever going to remember me because they've all seen something 10 times crazier than whatever it is I just did (tripped over a sidewalk bump or something).

Also, 99% of the men here have no chivalry. I understand that women want equality, and that means that we have to give up our seats every now and then. But seriously, nothing's going to make me snap faster than when I get off work (standing all day) and the jerky guy in the headphones pushes me out of the way for the last subway seat.
all right, it could be worse.
My year of crazy changes is winding to a slow conclusion: within the next 2 months, I'll find a permanent apartment and reconnect with my kitty.
Since work is under control (i.e. no longer sucking), and my home will be back to normal, and I won't be training for anything, all I'll have to do is moan and whine that I'm not eating croissants on some street in France. Boohoo.

Which brings me to my title: Cheetahs. Bad idea or no, the idea of buying a cheetah and walking it around the streets of NY really appeals to me. It's the size of a big dog. No one would mess with me. So long as it doesn't decide to run at 60mph with me dragging on the leash, they can be nicely domesticated. Cheetahs purr (unlike a lion or tiger -- which would also be awesome to walk on a leash) and make meow-y noises, which is a huge selling point for me. Just watch this squeaky baby and TRY not to shell out $15,000!

Okay, okay. I dream big. I have a huge imagination because without it, I'd be bored all the time. This is why I write books: it's the easiest way for me to flesh out all these crazy ideas without having to do them in real life. This is good news for the guy on the subway who knocked me over and for my neighbor getting on the elevator with me and a frigging cheetah.

Before I go, I'd like to announce that The Silent Treatment is officially for sale in paperback. There are some minor flaws with the back cover that I've decided to let slide because I can't afford to buy any more proof copies at the moment. With enough sales, I'll make the minor adjustment and re-issue. Until then, get your piping hot first editions here: I've put at 30% discount on it because I'm cool like that. Expect a cheesy "author holding book" photo soon.


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  2. You know that "rescue panther" commercial, where the couple can't sleep 'cause the panther is going to pounce on them? That's what I would be afraid of if I had a cheetah.

    On the other hand, walking a cheetah on a leash is very Josephine Baker...

    1. Apparently, it was the cool thing to do in the 20s/30s. Found this picture:

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