Thursday, June 28, 2012

Things I Never Want to Do Again

Drive a 15' moving truck.

It started off fine. Got in the truck, backed out of the space without incident, got onto the road. But then, the streets in Center City Philadelphia are narrow, and people park on the side. There are city busses, parked trucks driven by other people, and pedestrians and bikers coming out of EVERYWHERE. Maybe that's an exaggeration because I felt like I was wearing a giant, puffy coat in a tight wine store (a'la George Costanza).

Got to the apartment and trapped myself trying to park in the alley beside it. Panic attack and dramatic weeping. Moving guy bailed me out. I vowed right then never to drive a truck again, but oh wait! I still had 3 hours of driving ahead of me. Nevermind.

The New Jersey Turnpike. Construction. I probably didn't breathe the whole time, and I lost circulation in my fingers from gripping the wheel so tightly. Every time a "Road Narrows" sign came up, I said the F word. Bridges were the same. The Queens/Brooklyn Expressway was also the same. Yet, the whole drive, I did not scrape the concrete divide once, though my husband's favorite sentence the whole way was, "You're REALLY close over here..." To which I would calmly reply, "I KNOW!!! EVERYTHING'S CLOSE! I WANNA GET OUT!"

The highlight had to be when I was driving down Metropolitan and someone coming the opposite way was towing a car, and the car was sideways with its ass-end in my lane. At first, I thought maybe like a dream, it would just go away by the time I got to it, but it didn't. I slowed to a stop and lay on the horn (which sounded like this: beep?). Everyone gave me dirty looks, but I avoided hitting the car or getting my butt kicked.

In the end, most of our stuff was undamaged (but I'll tell you, the sound of boxes shifting and falling while you're driving as described above, doesn't ease the mood), and I'm finally home.

Important note: just because I've driven a 15' truck this once does not mean I'm "used to it" and that I will do it for myself or anyone else ever again. Not going to get a job as a trucker or bus driver. Not going to help you move. The biggest thing I'll be driving in the future is a sedan.


  1. Where did you move now, you wild woman you?!

  2. Just made the transition to NYC final. Nothing too too new.