Going ahead

There's an old saying: You can't please all the people all the time (and going by a quick Google search, this might have been said by Lincoln -- but as Mike Birbiglia points out, everything was said by Lincoln.) As it turns out, I often have trouble pleasing anyone at any time, so I've decided to do whatever the hell I want.

I've changed the cover of The Silent Treatment, you guys. I didn't feel like the old cover was quite what I wanted, but at the time I didn't have any other ideas. This is one of the great things about indie publishing -- things can change! I ran this design past a few people, and their answers were almost completely split down the middle (which makes the point of polling useless). As in text editing, any change is up to the discretion of the author (me), and I chose to go ahead with this one.

The story is still the same, although as many writers have pointed out, you're never really finished with a book. I'll probably do some "4th anniversary special!!1!" version with additional what-have-you.

Additionally, my KDP Select enrollment is coming to an end, but not before I can have one more free promo. Please spread the word and head to Amazon on Sunday the 30th. I might go with the Select program again in the future, but I might not, so consider this your last shot at a freebie! Mama needs to eat.

Art

We'll just start where my thoughts have been pooling the past few days:

Granted, most of you have already read about this and I'm much too late to say anything relevant. (Don't we all have personal issues that prevent us from getting on with fun stuff?)

As something of an artist myself, I would think that if I attempted a job like this, especially on a painting I loved, I would make sure I had the skills to complete it -- and if not, to know when to stop  the minute I realized I'd effed the em-effer up. Apparently, the amateur restorationist in question started with the tunic and continued upward. It just ... hurts my heart to look at this, but like the freaking train wreck that it is, I can't stop going, "why? how -- it doesn't even look like -- I can't -- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??" And look at the scroll that's now at the bottom ... it wasn't even on the original!

Something good has come out of this. The tourism this painting is generating is boosting the economy in the small Spanish town where it's located. Some people think the painting should be kept as it is for this reason. There's a video of Mr. Bean "fixing" a painting in that article.

And for a hilarious look at what "Ecce Mono" might tweet about, follow @FrescoJesus

ANYWAY...

I've been working on my own artistic project recently, and here it is:

The only thing I have to do now is finish the damned novel this cover goes on. Otherwise, it's useless.

Writing could be going better, but as the previously mentioned personal drama suggests, I've hit a tiny creativity snag. Or maybe I've been over-saturating my brain with this story and I desperately need a break.

What do you all do when you've hit a wall, creatively speaking? Do you focus on a different hobby or go for a walk? I especially enjoyed making this cover -- maybe because I was still on the same project, but in a totally different way.

Any comments or critiques on the cover are much appreciated. And if you'd like to "restore" it with a monkey face (a'la the botched fresco above), please send me a .jpg.

Chapter 1: I'm Dead

Some professions don't offer a lot of money. Indie Writer and Stylist's Assistant are two that provide very little monetary reward at the beginning. Unfortunately for me, I'm beginning both simultaneously. This means I have to be smart with the entertainment choices I make. One of my favorite things to do is browse Amazon's Top 100 Free list.

There aren't many first lines that will immediately make me abandon a book, but the top one that comes to mind is:

Chapter One

I'm so annoyed that I'm dead. 

I'll level with you: there was a time this would have intrigued me. Really? The narrator is dead? Well what in the bloody blazes happened?

Vampires. It's vampires.

Other openings that lead to me sighing and moving to the next book:

• Flowery descriptions
• Snorting some drugs
• "I have to go and I'm LATE!"
• Any kind of jargon
• "I don't remember who I am"
• Gruesome description of a dead body (that isn't the narrator)

What are some Chapter One: Paragraph One openings that make you want to slam the book into the floor?

Can I have your autograph?

Jennifer Weiner. She probably hates me

Having a book autographed is one of the most fun things I can think of to do. For one thing, usually the author usually reads something from her latest work and/or tells an anecdote about her life. After that, "The Line" starts. "The Line" takes about half an hour to get through, and I use that time to think of some witty thing to say to the author. She'll be so wowed: I'll get her to read my book and tell other people to buy it, and I'll sell a whole bunch of copies because of her. But as "The Line" gets shorter and I can see exactly how much time the author is spending with each person, I start panicking and going over my lines again.

Author: Hey! Thanks for coming by! (Autographs my book)
Me: Oh my God, your books are so great, you know, I'm a writer too!
Author: (forced polite expression) What do you write?
Me: Uh, well, you know. Haha! Whatever I want! Mysteries mostly. Sometimes with a little paranormal. But you know, not like ... anything with vampires or anything.
Author: Okay. (gives the "move along" face)
Me: Maybe one day you'll come to one of my readings!
Author: ("Please leave" face)
Me: Okay thanks!

I leave feeling good about myself, but then I run through the conversation again as I walk to the subway, and I swear I'll never speak to another human being ever again. Awkwardness aside, I still enjoy doing it, and I've seen the same authors multiple times, though don't always talk to them. I'm not stupid.

Request a Kindlegraph

Changed format

Don't I love messing around when I should be doing something constructive? I've actually been writing most of the weekend (and now Monday counts as a weekend day too), so I'm feeling pretty proud of myself.

The new blog layout is slick, right? Although, I'm sure there are some old people who probably like it the way it was...

More Subway Art

66th St on the 1 line

I love the mixture of Egyptian and Roman designs

Coulrophobia

Before I can start reading a new book, I have to digest this one.

Took me almost a complete month to read IT by Stephen King because it's over 1000 pages. Haven't been able to get through many books that long, but this one I did (mostly).

You might wonder why a person would want to escape a disappointing reality with a horror novel -- I came up with this explanation: even though I wasn't thinking, "I'm glad my life isn't like this!", the story engrossed me to a point where I was no longer thinking about my real life. This is one reason it annoyed me so much that I needed to skim certain areas of the book.

While King is great at painting a gruesome, graphic picture, he also goes into great characterization details and tangents -- most of which are good, but some of which drag and leave you wishing someone would get his head pulled off. So when the kids started doing their stupid, everyday kid things, I'd think, "I sure don't need to have anything to do with this ..." and got the gist of it instead of savoring every word (I'm sorry!).

There were times while I was reading on the subway that something so shocking would happen in the book that I'd physically react, which attracted the stares of others. Mostly I was cool. Didn't miss any stops, but came awfully close. My hour and a half commute went by like nothing.

So while I can recommend this book and I enjoyed it a lot, on a scale of 1-5, I'd have to give it a 3 because of all the skimming. If IT were a fraction of the length, the story would have been perfect.